What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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