I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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