my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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