at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
