it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
