Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
