ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
