Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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