Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
