I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
