The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
