If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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