idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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