i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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