I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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