so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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