he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
