My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
