I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Success! We fucked roommates!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
