All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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