pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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