please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize