when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
