hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
