Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
