Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
