I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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