You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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