Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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