and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
