Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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