Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
