apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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