i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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