So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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