You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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