if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
