I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
