Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
