Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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