I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
