You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
