Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just gift wrapped bread.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
