THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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