every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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