If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
