i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
