This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
