I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
a search helicopter?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
