Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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