He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize