if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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