I have demons in me.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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