There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize