honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
