I just saw a hot homeless man
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
