there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
