Someone shit on the floor
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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