You really coming over, don't trick.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So apparently I’m into choking now
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