I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
