If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
