But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize