Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
