jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
