thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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