I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The best revenge is premature balding
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
