I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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