Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
