just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
