They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
