I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize